Songs That Remind Me Just How Much I Need To Break Free of the Vicious Cycle That Is My Love Life

I don’t
I don’t know why
In your Boys life you become like a bull
Like a bull in a china shop
Smash it up into smithereens
There you
There you go again
Breaking
Breaking porcelain
Is that all I am
Just a Doll you got used to?
We’ve done
We’ve done this before
As Mars sauntered through his door
Don’t say it’s time to say
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye to Pisces
I cried and
I washed my tears
that turned into diamond
Ice
into ice
And if it could freeze
My heart wouldn’t float away
There we
There we go again
Breaking
Breaking porcelain
Is that all I am
Just a Doll you got used to?
We’ve done
We’ve done this before
As Mars sauntered through his door
Don’t say it’s time to say
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye to Pisces
So how
how will I go
Back on
Back on the shelf
with a smile
with a smile
to the customer and say
on sale by the owner
Here I
Here I go again
Breaking
Breaking porcelain
Is that all I am
Just a Doll you got used to
We’ve done
We’ve done this before
as Mars sauntered through his door
Don’t say it’s time to say
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye my Pisces
(Goodbye to Pisces, Tori Amos)

I thought it was Easter time
The way the light rose
Rose that morning
Lately you’ve been on my mind
You showed me the rope
Ropes to climb
Over mountains
And to pull myself
Out of a landslide
Of a landslide
I thought it was harvest time
You always loved the smell of the wood burning
She with her honey hair
Dalhousie Castle
She would meet you there
In the winter
Butter yellow
The flames you stirred
Yes, you could stir
I raise a glass
Make a toast
A toast in your honor
I hear you laugh
And beg me not to dance
‘Cause on your right standing by
Is Mr. Bojangles
With a toast he’s telling me it’s time
To raise a glass
Make a toast
A toast in your honor
I hear you laugh
And beg me not to dance
‘Cause on your right standing by is
Mr. Bojangles
With a toast he’s telling me it’s time
To let you go
Let you go
I thought I’d see you again
You said you might do
Maybe in a carving
In a cathedral
Somewhere in Barcelona
(Toast, Tori Amos)

Excuse me while I go stuff my face full of Oreo cookies and fill the emotional void.

Queer Eye

I don't like gay people not because I'm homophobic, but rather because they've changed the entire meaning of the term queer. Before, being queer meant being wierd. Now, being queer means that you're into the same gender, or chances are, you're a metrosexual - someone who's guaranteed to have better hair and better skin than me. The thing is, I like using the term queer because its allowed me to assign levels to being different - like, you're not eccentric, and you're not wierd, and you're a little more than odd.

I had recently met two guys, Person A and Person B. I'm not good at reading people but based on his manner of speaking and general personality, I had the feeling that Person A was gay. My suspicions were confirmed 3 days later, when he announced he was meeting his boyfriend for lunch. Person B, despite one incident where I caught him sitting cross-legged like a girl, I concluded, was straight.

This morning, person B and I were kidding around, and at one point he asked me a rather silly question regarding the program that we were doing... you know, those type of questions where the answer is so obvious but it hasn't quite registered into your mind yet. I wanted to joke around and tell him how silly he was, so in response, I said, "You're so queer." I didn't get any reaction from him whatsoever. Just silence, but not the uncomfortable type with the crickets chirping in the background, but more like an extended version of the few milliseconds before someone cracks another joke. I didn't think much of it. That was, until lunchtime.

After I had bought my lunch, Person B and I got to talking about Person C, who I had the feeling was gay because despite his really, really good looks, spoke in a high-pitched voice and was extremely mild-mannered (mousy). The conversation went normally for the first few sentences, but after the general exchange of ideas, a few seconds went by, then was followed by Person B saying, "He's cute."

Whoa. Stop right there. Guys don't use the term "cute" on guys. "Cute" is like a reserved word, only to be applied on women, children and dogs. The moment the reality of the situation hit me, I had a flashback to the event that had happened this morning, except that it ended differently:

"You're so queer."
"Darling, you have no idea."