Idiotizing the Idiot Box

Here are some of the shows you can catch on local TV:

Morning Star and Sis. Talk shows hosted by once-teeny-bopper-idols now trying to preserve the small ounce of fame they have left. Mediocre topics with mediocre guests. Think 30-minute shows about Gayuma, celebrity pets, and promotions for Star Circle Quest and Starstruck contestants.

Pilipinas Game KNB? Anything hosted by Kris Aquino is a no-no. That girl can talk the ears off anyone who's willing - or unwilling - to listen in record time. A little below half of that 30-minute talk show is filled with Me, Me, Me stories from Kris. Anyway, for the most part, its a game show that Jessica Simpson could probably qualify for. She won't win, but I'm estimating she could end up as 3rd finalist. So don't look for any intellectual stimulation here.

MTB ang Saya-Saya and Eat Bulaga. Shows that have subtitles or have the same name as a toddler's pastime can only be appealing to people whose IQs are only two digits. "Ang Saya-saya?" Hellooo... I don't think so. The shows' success formulae is as follows: scantily clad dancers, ill-mannered and vulgar hosts, luck/chance games that give the scantily clad dancing women an excuse to dance and scream excitedly at the top of their lungs, currently famous actors and actresses lip synching (badly) to the latest pop tunes, topped off with a 15 minute period that allows the hosts to crack really bad knock-knock jokes, throw cream pies at one another, or basically do anything tasteless and idiotic.

Sandara's Romance. This is what I don't get with Filipinos. We're all about nationalism, and yet the second-placer for Star Circle Quest was a Korean girl who's inept in speaking and understanding Filipino and much more inept in acting. I don't know if the network is to blame for going against their better judgement or the TV viewers who, well... are just plain STUPID. Anyway, this show is just a bunch of romantic chinovelas hosted by a Korean/trying-to-be- Filipino-actress who is, unknown to many, actually a messenger of Satan himself. Hehe.

Spirits, Krystala and Mulawin. Spawned of and for the fantaserye genre, these shows actually try to create a fantasy world filled with muntant teenagers, a flying girl who's superhero suit is much too small for her, and man-birds (well that certainly sounded dirty). The stories are stupid (sorry, I couldn't think of a more appropriate word) and the "special effects" (I refuse to call them as actual special effects) are worse than those 1950s Godzilla movies that have screaming people covering their faces to protect themselves from a toy dinosaur.

Star Circle National Teen Quest and Starstruck. Here are two shows that are the epitome of Filipino reality TV. I blame these shows for spewing out untalented actors and actresses, catering and contributing to the growing tastelessness of TV viewers, therefore producing even more horrible TV shows. Contestants are subjected to insults from supposedly-made actors and actresses (basically fags or bitches who can try and imitate Simon Cowell). Oh please. Their insults are as bad as the "Yo Mama" comebacks.

*SIGH* There is a great famine of talent here in the Philippines. Wait, not just that. Talent, intelligence and good taste.