J30
I don't know how to start this thing that I'm writing. A jillion opening lines are going through my head but I'm too high to actually complete one full thought. So I'm starting it with this one. Hehe.
Anyway, I just got home from Greenbelt with Jeni. The MMFF movies are showing, and they're not actually appealing to the both of us so we decided to just sit down at the Coffee Bean and talk talk talk.
Trés stimulating.
We talked about how our present and future were and will be faring off. Apparently, both of us are living in this state of discontent. As I've repeatedly said tonight, our lives are blah. We've succumbed to a life of monotonous normalcy. Nothing especially exciting has happened in our lives. Ask any one of us to name anything we've accomplished for the past 20+ years of our lives and we'll go dumb and stare off into space, thinking of something to say.
We've both graduated from college and we're on our way to becoming typical yuppies (well, she's already working and I'm about to look for a job, but for the sake of argument, let's assume we're both working already). Anyway, we're slowly succumbing to our daily routines: work, sleep, have a little fun on the side, and work again. Upon close inspection our lives seem okay, but on a much broader scale, you have to ask, "Where the hell are we going?"
I hate this. I've finally begun to actually realize that my life is pointless. There's nothing ahead of me. Sure, I have my plans and my dreams, but I'm nowhere near achieving any of them. The one path my life is likely to go through is to find some decent programming work and that's that. At least, that's the only one I can see right now. And I'm not content with it. I don't want to live my "default life"; I don't want to be just another graduate that La Salle produced that will live a seemingly preset future. I don't want ride the same tide that many of my batchmates have gone to. I want something else; I want to be that someone who makes waves. I want that someday, I'm going look back at my life and proudly say I actually did something.
The problem is I don't know how.
Well, life is still going to force me to work. And I suppose I really will find programming work to help here at home (and maybe add a LITTLE value to my existence). But I need to promise myself that I'm going to save some money. And hopefully in a couple of years or so, I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to start off with the little stuff, like finally going bungee jumping and reading a lot of books and making it a habit to go swimming. Once I've done those, I'm going to work on my large-scale goals - like starting that graphics design business with Jeni and doing some volunteer work.
You know, the problem with me is that I lack determination. Right now, I'm so hyped up to start doing all those things, but I'm afraid that once I wake up tomorrow, I'm going to lose interest and bum around the house again.
*SIGH*
Oh well, I'll try to change. Wait... not just try - I WILL change. I'm going to motivate myself, and I'm going to use this journal to remind me of how much I have been discontent with the past 20 years of my life and how determined I am to change it. I'm going to be a worker drone, but only for a while. I'm going to change my life.
Postscript: I'm going to start it now by going to straight to bed immediately after posting this, so I can wake up considerably early tomorrow to help my mom do the laundry.
Anyway, I just got home from Greenbelt with Jeni. The MMFF movies are showing, and they're not actually appealing to the both of us so we decided to just sit down at the Coffee Bean and talk talk talk.
Trés stimulating.
We talked about how our present and future were and will be faring off. Apparently, both of us are living in this state of discontent. As I've repeatedly said tonight, our lives are blah. We've succumbed to a life of monotonous normalcy. Nothing especially exciting has happened in our lives. Ask any one of us to name anything we've accomplished for the past 20+ years of our lives and we'll go dumb and stare off into space, thinking of something to say.
We've both graduated from college and we're on our way to becoming typical yuppies (well, she's already working and I'm about to look for a job, but for the sake of argument, let's assume we're both working already). Anyway, we're slowly succumbing to our daily routines: work, sleep, have a little fun on the side, and work again. Upon close inspection our lives seem okay, but on a much broader scale, you have to ask, "Where the hell are we going?"
I hate this. I've finally begun to actually realize that my life is pointless. There's nothing ahead of me. Sure, I have my plans and my dreams, but I'm nowhere near achieving any of them. The one path my life is likely to go through is to find some decent programming work and that's that. At least, that's the only one I can see right now. And I'm not content with it. I don't want to live my "default life"; I don't want to be just another graduate that La Salle produced that will live a seemingly preset future. I don't want ride the same tide that many of my batchmates have gone to. I want something else; I want to be that someone who makes waves. I want that someday, I'm going look back at my life and proudly say I actually did something.
The problem is I don't know how.
Well, life is still going to force me to work. And I suppose I really will find programming work to help here at home (and maybe add a LITTLE value to my existence). But I need to promise myself that I'm going to save some money. And hopefully in a couple of years or so, I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to start off with the little stuff, like finally going bungee jumping and reading a lot of books and making it a habit to go swimming. Once I've done those, I'm going to work on my large-scale goals - like starting that graphics design business with Jeni and doing some volunteer work.
You know, the problem with me is that I lack determination. Right now, I'm so hyped up to start doing all those things, but I'm afraid that once I wake up tomorrow, I'm going to lose interest and bum around the house again.
*SIGH*
Oh well, I'll try to change. Wait... not just try - I WILL change. I'm going to motivate myself, and I'm going to use this journal to remind me of how much I have been discontent with the past 20 years of my life and how determined I am to change it. I'm going to be a worker drone, but only for a while. I'm going to change my life.
Postscript: I'm going to start it now by going to straight to bed immediately after posting this, so I can wake up considerably early tomorrow to help my mom do the laundry.
posted by roseraven11 @ 9:40 AM
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